Wednesday, May 11, 2011


At this point I'm over two weeks clean. It's honestly the longest I've ever not played WoW in years. I've only stopped playing for longer periods of time when I had no choice in the matter (moving, ect). Some days are a struggle, I can see myself playing and remember the good times I used to have. But then I remember that those good times were about 10% of the time I played. The rest of it was frustrating, grindy, and almost boring. Other days I don't even think about it. I like those days better :-P Thinking about how different I am when I don't play keeps me strong. I've always been somewhat of a dreamer, and I love that I can lose myself in a video game or a novel or a movie for a few hours. The problem with WoW was I was never able to turn it off. There's no beating it, no end, no last page to read. I crave that, that ending that makes everything make sense and finishes the story. I can read a book in one sitting if it interests me enough, or watch a series of movies, or do a video game marathon for a few days. Then when it's over, I'm not interested anymore. I might revisit it at some point, but I can go back to the real world again. I feel like the real me is coming back to life. Sort of like a robot that was forgotten and left rusting in a garage. I'm scared of losing that feeling, of feeling trapped and like a zombie again. That's why I know I won't ever turn back to WoW. Nothing is worth feeling that way.

Time is starting to feel normal again. Whenever I quit for a few days before time seemed to go really slow. I was used to rushing through everything to get more WoW time in, so I'd rush through everything then wonder what to do with all my time. I used to ignore my pets while playing, even worse sometimes I just saw them as a nuisance. Something that got in the way and annoyed me while I was trying to concentrate on my game. I'm starting to really love them again, and treat them like the part of the family I used to. It's like waking up from a bad dream, I can't believe how stupid I was when I used to play. It makes me cherish every second I have now. Life is too short to waste years on a video game!

Monday, May 2, 2011


I have a crazy cold right now. I couldn't sleep last night because of it, and I used up a box and a half of tissues in a day! Ick, I finally passed out around 2 PM. When I'm sick I feel like an alien in my own body. It doesn't do the things I want it to do, and I feel like I'm trying to tell it to do things and it seems like it takes a lot longer to do them. I hate that feeling!

Osama bin Laden is dead. I remember 9/11 pretty clearly, I was in high school at the time, and the whole school basically stopped working and everyone just watched the news. Most of my family lives in NY, most upstate not the city but it still hit close to home. Was Osama bin Laden actually behind these attacks? I don't know, most people will never know. He admitted to them, but it seemed like he just gave up denying it and went along with the story. I'm not saying he wasn't a bad man or didn't deserve to die, I'm just not sure if he's the one really responsible. I'll never know, and he very well may have done it, but I'm not foolish enough to accept what the government says as the truth just because they say it is. I'm not sad that he's dead, but I find it hard to celebrate his death. It doesn't bring back those that were killed, it doesn't even end the war on terror. It doesn't end the ignorance of people, people hating Muslims because they mistakenly believe that he was their leader. Most of all his death just makes me think about all of the people who have died. From 9/11 to those who died searching from Osama bin Laden to those who died in the "war on terror." Life is something precious. I will never understand why people use religion or money or ideals to kill people. Well I guess that's not true, I understand believing in freedom and fighting for it. I don't understand killing someone because their religion is different from yours, despite most religions advocating peace.

Sorry if most of this doesn't make sense. I should go lay down again but I know I'd just lay there. Sigh!