Monday, February 28, 2011

Nom nom

I finally passed out around 3 PM today, then woke up around 7:30 PM. I'm going to try to sleep for a few more hours in the early morning then stay up all day tomorrow. Tomorrow is the husband's birthday, it seems to sneak up on me every year. I ordered him a game that he's been wanting, and we're getting his truck fixed. Practical and fun all at the same time :-P He's not much of a cake person and we don't really do parties so I'll probably just tell him to order himself a pizza for dinner tomorrow.

When I woke up, I actually started reading again. It's just a silly fluff romance novel, but hey reading is reading! I don't feel like doing anything tonight, I'm still drained from yesterday. So right now I'm starving and instead of going to cook something I'm just surfing the web. Motivation, I needs you! Hopefully tomorrow I'll be more energetic, getting up when it's not pitch black out will probably help.

Sleep or lack thereof

So I never used to have sleep problems before I started playing WoW. I don't know if that's just a happy coincidence or they developed because of my gaming. Now, some weeks I just can't sleep. I'll try to sleep for hours, on and off, then just give up and get up. Or I'll sleep for three hours and my body decides that's enough for me. Or I'll sleep for 12 hours and still feel tired. I don't know what my body's problem is, but it drives me batty that I can't control how much I sleep.

I'm realllllly tired today. Not because of my normal sleep issues, but because the husband has been working even later than usual and that led to a really messed up sleep schedule. Again! My husband usually works from 5 PM to about 3 AM. Usually he doesn't get out until at least 4 though, and last week it was about 7 AM. I hate going to bed before he gets home because then it feels like I never get to see him. But at the same time I hate going to bed at 4AM. Anyway, on Friday the terrible weather caused a lot of problems that made him stay until around 8 AM. So I stayed up and my schedule got so messed up that today er well yesterday we woke up at around 5 PM. It's almost 10 AM now and I'm so tired. But I'm so sick of going to bed at stupid times that I thought it was a bright idea to just stay up. I'm pretty sure none of that made any sense. Ugh, yeah I'm tired.

It's days like today that I wish I liked coffee, or tea. I only drink soda though and I'm trying to quit that. I'm debating on going for a walk but I'm not sure if it would be very smart to wander around when I'm half asleep. It'd probably wake me up but I'm clumsy enough when I'm not half asleep and I'd rather not hurt myself. One of my dogs is snoring right next to me. I don't like him very much right now! This is him, Reeses. He's the hardest dog ever to take pictures of, the only way to get him to stand still long enough is to sneak up on him when he's sleeping. When he's awake he's the most hyperactive dog I've ever met. Despite having a bad leg, he tries to climb on you and wags his whole butt when he wags his tail. He's a good dog though, he's the not so bright, loveable one in our family.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Moving forward

Well it's been about two days since I last logged onto WoW. It's not quite as hard as I expected it to be, but the first few days have always been the easiest for me. What is hard is finding other things to do with the husband without WoW. It's cold and snowy and storming out this weekend (yes, it has been doing all three o_O) so we can't go outside and do anything. I met my husband in WoW so needless to say it's always been a big part of our lives together. He's not just a WoW addict though, he's a video game addict period. He has little to no hobbies outside of gaming when he's not working. That makes it hard for us to do things outside of WoW, I'm trying to get him to open up his mind to other things but it's definitely a work in progress. Sometimes I feel like compared to him I have so many interests and things I'd love to do, where as I think he'd be happy just gaming for the rest of his life.

The biggest problem is that I love reading and books. It's always exciting picking out new books and then coming home and reading them. I could spend hours in a book store, even if I don't buy anything. Or a library for that matter. My husband doesn't read. I try to encourage him to read sci-fi or fantasy books as they can parallel the storyline in a video game, but the only ones he's mentioned wanting to read are ones based on video games. It's so hard for me to understand that. Those books are probably terrible, though I've never read one. Before I started playing WoW, books were my life. I could spend a weekend at home reading and it was the most relaxing, comforting thing ever. Now that I've quit I want to get back into reading and writing, but knowing that he doesn't read makes me sad. What about when I do finally finish a book and I want to share that with him?

I don't know, I just hope that with time we'll find more things to do together and it gets easier. It will help when it's actually nice out and we can go outside. We both love animals and nature (minus the bugs!) so we plan on getting a lot more active when we can. It will be nice to lose the WoW weight and get back in shape! It's funny how when you stop playing, you stop talking to all the people you used to play with. For one they're so busy playing that they don't have time to talk to people, and for another it seems like all those relationships were just so superficial. If you can't talk about gear, gold, or xyz WoW thing there's really not much to talk about. Not that I didn't talk to them about other things in game, but all of that was done while working on one of those in game things. Once you cease being useful for them, they couldn't care less about you. It's sad that I spent so much of my time playing with those people. I'm just glad I got out, and can hopefully stay out. I'm tired of missing out on the world while playing in a fake one.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Another year wasted!

So... quitting is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm not a weak person. I'm actually a very strong, opinionated person, but I am also very anti-social. WoW gave me a way to communicate with people without letting them too close. There's only one person in my life that I feel I can count on (the husband), other people just let you down. I think that's the main reason why I find it so hard to quit. WoW gave me a safe way to be social, without strings or disappointment. If people upset me or annoyed me I could just log off and not have to deal with them anymore. It's really hard to log off from people in the real world. So here I am on attempt number [insert ridiculous number here] to quit that evil game.

People like to say it's not the game's fault. I agree that it's not totally the game's fault. But the game is built to keep people to keep playing and spending money. All of my old in game friends struggled with playing too much, to varying degrees. Some people took it to extremes like me and played 10+ hours most days. Others just stayed up too late and cut their sleep short or put a few things off to play a little more. It's sad but it's hard to blame the company. Of course they want to make money and there are people that can balance their playing. I still think the game is toxic though, so many people's lives are destroyed by it.

The bottom line is that I'm tired of letting a game have control over me. I need to put on my big boy (person?) pants and accept that if I don't change something I'm going to just keep going back to that game. The stupid thing is the past 6 months or so I haven't even had fun playing when I did play. Why do I keep doing a hobby that I don't enjoy?! That's beyond stupid. And when I think about how I let my life get so derailed for a freaking video game I kind of want to kick my own ass. It's pixels! Sure they're pretty and all, but they aren't real. In 10 years or whenever the game closes down for good all those people still playing will have nothing to show for it. You can't even keep your darn character, it's not even really yours to begin with. And for all that people are ending marriages, neglecting kids, and gaining tons of weight. I remember when video games used to be associated with fun. None of that sounds fun to me.

Anyway, enough ranting. This is day one for me. Again! It makes me sad to read that post I wrote a year ago, a year I could of done something productive in. I don't want to make that mistake again. It's up to me to grow up, and learn how to live again.