Saturday, March 26, 2011

Drama Llamas

I really like the phrase "drama llama." Llamas in general are amusing, and the word just rolls off your tongue. However, drama llamas are not cool when they're going on in your life. Going by doesn't sound like the correct phrase for drama llamas. Passing by? Spitting in your face? Drama llamas would definitely spit in your face. Incoming long, drama filled story. If you don't like drama, pretend this post doesn't exist.

We made many friends in WoW when we played, most of which we don't talk to anymore. There was one friend in particular that we became really close to. I'm going to call him Ned, but that isn't his real name. We played with Ned for years, and we even paid for his account for a few months when he was having a hard time. We sent him some money and a walmart gift card for food too. We normally don't help people out like this, but we became really close with Ned. He was basically like a brother to me. We had each other's phone numbers in case we needed to call each other to get on WoW for something. Sounds strange, but a lot of people do it in WoW. I gave my number out to a few select people that I really trusted in game. So one night I called him and asked if he'd be on later for a raid or something. He told me that he was getting evicted from his place so probably not. I was a little shocked, I didn't know it was quite that bad. I knew Ned was having a rough time, his mother had just died and he had taken some time off work and I guess it just all piled up. My husband and I have a tendency to adopt lost strays (which is why we have 9 pets!) so we couldn't just let a good friend of ours go homeless. We offered to send him money for gas so he could drive down here through western union or some such place. We couldn't afford to pay for him to get a new place, but we could swing a few hundred for gas. He packed his stuff up and was getting ready to leave in the morning after we sent off the money when his car died (it had been having problems lately, so not a big shock either). So Jake and I stepped up to the plate and drove through three states (I think it was three, never was good at geography) to pick Ned up and drive him here.

It was a little strange, being in the car with someone you've never met before but have talked to for hours on vent. But we knew it was just temporary, Ned was getting some life insurance money from his mother's death and then he was going to find his own place. A day or two after he moved in with us, we got a big shock. Apparently, Ned's mother called Jake at work. Ned had left his cell phone at his old apartment, and we had called him from Jake's cell phone on the way. We asked if it was Ned's step-mother, but no it was his real mother. Who apparently is either a zombie or not so dead after all. This curve ball set the stage for the rest of the time Ned stayed with us. He lied to us about so many things, his old jobs, his school history, his non-existent two sisters. Jake also got him a job at his work, where Ned spent 99% of his workday looking at WoW forums. Ned never contributed much for staying with us and using our car; some months he'd give us 200 dollars (what we asked him to contribute) others he wouldn't. We didn't press it too much because we wanted him to save up money to get his own place. Still, despite all the drama Ned was part of the family. He adopted one of our cats, or she adopted him. She'd sit in the window waiting for him to come home every day, and she slept on him every single night. When he got his own place, he was going to take her with him. Which was OK with us, we know how it is when someone bonds with a pet. But eventually Ned got fired and he wasn't putting much effort into finding a new job. After having been with us for a year and one fight too many, Ned opted to move back to his home state and stay with his mother and step-father. They wouldn't let him take his cat, so we agreed to watch her for him until he could get back on his feet.

I was glad to be rid of the drama, but I still wanted to keep in touch. I tried to call and check up on him, but he was never home and never returned my calls. Six months after leaving, he e-mailed us. He didn't even wish us congratulations on our wedding, which took place a few months after he left. I gave up on him at that point. About a year and a half later, this January, we started communicating again. We aren't the type to hold grudges, we know that people make mistakes. Ned claimed to have changed, and that he had a decent job and his own apartment now. We talked for a few months, and he mentioned coming to visit us this summer. I asked him about his cat, even though we had pretty much given up on him ever getting her. He responded that he just wasn't ready to have a cat yet. This "man" is almost 30 and can't be responsible enough to take care of his cat? After all the stuff we did for him, he couldn't even come get his cat. I told him that it was terrible to get a pet attached to you then just leave them. He said that people do it all the time, they take them to the pound. At this point I didn't even want him to have her, for all I know he would of taken her to the pound. I blew up on him and told him to not contact me again.

It's not even really about the cat. I mean it would be nice to have a few less pets to take care of, but we love all our pets and they aren't going anywhere. But I know that she misses him. People say that animals don't remember people or feel things like we do, but she sat in the window for months after he left, waiting for him to come home. It broke my heart. She's better now, but I know she'd be happier with him. She's kind an independent cat and she prefers to keep to herself, which is hard to do in a house with 8 other pets! But the bottom line is we did so much for Ned. We tried to help him in every way that we could. And he just used us and never once did anything unselfish. I guess in a way it was a test to see if he could be unselfish and do something for us for once. He failed miserably. I don't plan on ever talking to Ned again. But it still hurts losing someone who was like a brother to me. I'll miss him, but I know our life is better off without someone like that in it. Most of all I'm disappointed. I guess some people never do change, no matter how much you want them to.


  1. *BIG, HUGE HUGS* Oh HEATHER!!! What a HORRIBLE thing to happen to you!! :( :( :(

    First off, I think you and your husband are incredibly warm-hearted and generous to go to such lengths for this guy. Really, it's just incredible that you would drive three states away to bring this guy back to your place and then let him stay with you for over a year with virtually no compensation in any way.

    It makes me feel very sad to say that I know how you feel. I haven't gone to the extent which you have, but I've invested chunks of my life to people who've turned out to be just users or emotional vampires. I'm so sorry that you had such an awful experience because it changes who you are--you lose a piece of trust in people and begin to wonder why a person is befriending you.

    I think you are such a nice person and it's not fair that you gave so much and got so little in return. I have a feeling that you are like me though...even though you got burned by this total leech-loser, you will still be open to making new friends and trying again. He was such a jerk and truly an awful person for leading you two on, lying and then returning your generosity by being a lazy, useless lame-ass not fit for a homeless shelter. THAT SUCKS. me...I expect that you feel the world is full of other people like you and me...we just have to find them.

    Well, you know you have one friend here! :) Keep up your blogging and keep your spirits up too. Thank you for helping me to keep MY spirits up. It's really nice to know you're out there checking in on me--and I'll be there to do the same for you too! *hugs*

  2. Yep, I agree that it changes who you are. I used to be incredibly trusting and open with my friends, but it makes it hard when you know that someone can flat out lie to your face and claim to be your friend. I try not to let the experience with him effect me, but I know it has made me a tad more jaded. I've always known that the world was full off asshats, but I also know there's people like you and me out there who aren't like that. And that makes it worth putting up with the asshats. Overall, the whole experience made me a stronger person though. I let this guy tell us so many lies and even though I consider myself a strong person, I also consider myself a forgiving person so he'd use that to make me overlook all the bad things. It was very empowering to step up and tell him no more, after everything we'd been through I knew that he wasn't going to magically change into a better person. My life is better off without him, as I'm sure yours is without those people who were users and emotional vampires. Thanks for reading and telling me I'm not crazy *hugs*

  3. :) *hugs* It's nice to meet someone that has so many characteristics that I have, so it's like I really know how you feel.

    Sadly, at age 46, the erosion of trust for me has gotten to the point that I don't automatically give that away to everyone. After years of disappointments, I expect everyone to just go away or be a flake, and if they still hang around, the only reason is because they want something from me. However, I still try because I know that there ARE good people out there who I can trust and become good friends with. It's nice slowly getting to know you because you didn't come to my blog because you want something from me. You are showing yourself to be an open, warm-hearted person who is a lot like me...and you've been hurt by people too. It's nice to find a new friend! :)

  4. Yeah it's weird how much we have in common, I know what you mean about everyone just being a disappointment. Every good friend I've ever had ended up being a disappointment, my first good friend ditched me for a new friend and basically stopped talking to me (in middle school not that it matters anymore but it set up the standard for more to come!). My best friend for most of HS and college ended up moving away from our city without evening telling me, and is now basically a train wreck. So obsessed with her boyfriend who treats her like crap and cheats on her that she doesn't have time for anything else. Then I had a really good friend who I later realized had mental problems and would always accuse me of stuff I would never ever do (sleep with her man, when I was a virgin at the time!). Then came "Ned." The only person I know I can trust is Jake. Which I'm grateful for having him, but it would be nice to have someone else to talk to, you know?

  5. Naturally, our history with friends also mirrors each other. It's almost identical, even had a best friend move away and disassociate herself from me. Yep, I had a mental freak friend too. Most recently, my hurt has been discovering that the few people in WoW who I considered my friends, well, I wanted to know if they were or not so...I waited to see if they'd ever write or try to contact me (or Steve for that matter). Nada. Nothing. Not a peep. I mean (pardon the French) FUCK! I spent HOURS with these people! I laughed and cried with them, shared victories, strategized, talked about real life...but yet...I stop playing WoW and that's that. It really hurts and it makes me so angry.

    And yes, Steve is really the only person I can trust these days...but gee, it sure would be nice to have someone else to talk to! :)

    Oh, by the way...HUGE, SERIOUS KUDOS to you for dropping 40 pounds AND getting an indoor bike to work out on so you can lose more! You should feel enormously proud of yourself! That is just so cool!! You must feel wonderful about such a great accomplishment!

    Also...I don't know if I mentioned this, but did you know that I am also a huge fan of writing? Every one of my English teachers from 4th grade up through college has told me that I should be a writer. Why I never pursued it is because, as I'm sure you know, it's extremely difficult to be a successful author that can pull in a lot of money--or even enough to pay the rent, for that matter. I ended up pursuing graphic design because of the better odds of having a successful, profitable career (even though, for the past 5 years I took a break to help Steve with his now failing woodworking business). However, I would still like to write a fiction book at some point. So...we have THAT in common too! :)