Another year wasted!

So... quitting is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm not a weak person. I'm actually a very strong, opinionated person, but I am also very anti-social. WoW gave me a way to communicate with people without letting them too close. There's only one person in my life that I feel I can count on (the husband), other people just let you down. I think that's the main reason why I find it so hard to quit. WoW gave me a safe way to be social, without strings or disappointment. If people upset me or annoyed me I could just log off and not have to deal with them anymore. It's really hard to log off from people in the real world. So here I am on attempt number [insert ridiculous number here] to quit that evil game.

People like to say it's not the game's fault. I agree that it's not totally the game's fault. But the game is built to keep people to keep playing and spending money. All of my old in game friends struggled with playing too much, to varying degrees. Some people took it to extremes like me and played 10+ hours most days. Others just stayed up too late and cut their sleep short or put a few things off to play a little more. It's sad but it's hard to blame the company. Of course they want to make money and there are people that can balance their playing. I still think the game is toxic though, so many people's lives are destroyed by it.

The bottom line is that I'm tired of letting a game have control over me. I need to put on my big boy (person?) pants and accept that if I don't change something I'm going to just keep going back to that game. The stupid thing is the past 6 months or so I haven't even had fun playing when I did play. Why do I keep doing a hobby that I don't enjoy?! That's beyond stupid. And when I think about how I let my life get so derailed for a freaking video game I kind of want to kick my own ass. It's pixels! Sure they're pretty and all, but they aren't real. In 10 years or whenever the game closes down for good all those people still playing will have nothing to show for it. You can't even keep your darn character, it's not even really yours to begin with. And for all that people are ending marriages, neglecting kids, and gaining tons of weight. I remember when video games used to be associated with fun. None of that sounds fun to me.

Anyway, enough ranting. This is day one for me. Again! It makes me sad to read that post I wrote a year ago, a year I could of done something productive in. I don't want to make that mistake again. It's up to me to grow up, and learn how to live again.